Honesty: Words Are Weapons

DP Challenge: Is it possible to be too honest, or is honesty always the best policy?

They just had to ask that today, of all days…

I finally buckled down this a.m. and did some serious meditation and thinking, talking inside and out loud to God. This is a new thing to chat out loud with God. It’s a bit like visiting a grave site – it’s between me and the person who is now with God – I don’t know any that are not, in my judgment. And, I always figure they do not need me to say this out loud. But what if I am wrong?

This word, “Honesty” is like so much of our English language – open to interpretation. We use it to bare our souls, “In all honesty…,” or to shred somebody, “I have to say honestly…” (Tell me you cannot hear the tone that is said in..blech!)

Back in the 70′s there was something called EST, where they brought a group of people together, who paid for the privilege of encountering themselves and their inner obstacles by spending a weekend confronting themselves and others. That is what I was told, as I never attended an EST weekend or evening. I observed how they were when they got out and they were assholes. They hurt people verbally with their honesty – all under the banner of, “Well, at least I am honest.” As though it were a virtue. I hate bullies with a profound hatred nothing else brings out in me. Not even ignorance or stupidity can cause me to swell up as someone being mean or unnecessarily cruel. Particularly with words. Words are weapons. They are surgical instruments. They can heal and sooth. They can cut like a knife and leave gaping wounds for years on end inside someone’s psyche.

That said, every year on January 1, I pull Angel Cards for the annual theme. If you’ve been a consistent reader here, you know I pull ‘em for the week and for the day as a way of thinking God is advising me on what to focus for the week and/or the day. Can’t leave the year out, now can I? These are qualities written on tiny little cards – all positive but some have a bite to ‘em that you have to wrap your head around. Obedience is one of those. Agh! Who wants to pull the Obedience card? Nobody, trust me on this one. And yet… the little Angel who illustrates the meaning is astride a motorcycle at a stop signal… hmmm. So maybe you might take that card to mean, listen within and act on that inner voice signaling you… maybe. That’s how I choose to interpret Obedience.

Last year’s Angel Cards were Willingness (Angel washing stacks of dishes) and Inspiration (Angel painting a gorgeous sunset or dawn) coming in – what I was to receive throughout the year and going out was Surrender (Angel standing on a hill, waving a white flag). I leave them out all year long, right where my gaze will find ‘em and remind me what I am working towards throughout the year.

I gave myself a good grade on being willing to act on any inspiration that came through. That Surrender card, though… whew…. I am a fighter and I don’t believe in surrender. Yeah, but God is a different, a different … Being, I guess would be a good word – better than entity or issue. He/She/It doesn’t fight, they nudge – a little here, a little there… Occasionally, they knock you on your butt. You have to choose to surrender to God. He/She/It is perfectly willing to wait you out. A siege like none other. I told myself I could do it, I could surrender. He/She/It just kept right on nudging me, much like the first horse I ever met or Ella, the Greythound when she spots me filling up her dinner bowl and herds me to get on with it.

It’s January 3, 2014 and I had some clearing up to do with God. Being unemployed means I waste an extraordinary amount of time worrying and fretting about how I am going to pay my bills. Through a series of events, I have made it through almost two years – February 29, 2012 was my last honest paycheck. I received unemployment and then extended unemployment and cashed in my 401k, and friends graciously came through. I use the word “honest” here in the sense it was by my own labor -not dependent on anyone for anything.

My Angel Cards for this year are Humor coming in and Honesty going out. Coincidentally, yesterday I had received Humour coming in and I have got to say there was little I found funny about my day. I am just not that spiritually advanced. But it looks like I might grow spiritually if that incoming Humour card is to be received. Honesty going out is a bit of a puzzle. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m honest to a fault – and by that, not necessarily in my best interest. The Honest Angel faces herself in the mirror. It is the outgoing card, what I am to give out to others. Well, it will not be meanness or a cruel verbal blow or witty sparring that cuts at the cost of someone else bleeding. Hopefully, I will use it to reflect back to others their best. I am not surrendering on this.